Common, read and share these jokes with your friends. Check for yourself if they need to think twice to get them.
1. “How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?” – Steven Wright
2. Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, ‘Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami.’ She said, ‘We can’t do that!’ I told her, ‘You did it last week!’” – Henny Youngman
3. A logician’s wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, “Is it a boy or a girl?” The logician says, “Yes.”
4. ‘I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means ‘put down’. -Bob Newhart
5. “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.” – Mark Twain
6. Heard about that new band called 1023 MB? They haven’t had any gigs yet.
7. I told the crowd last night to fuck off, but then I felt bad, so I said “All right, fuck back on.” – Mitch Hedberg
8. A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, “In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.” But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”
9. C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, no minors.”
10. People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. – Joan Rivers